Tag Archives: brain

Kids and gaming: The all-new family battleground

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I’m sure if you have ever played a computer game or console game you know that they can be great fun and a handy distraction. Like anything fun in the history of humankind, though, there is the potential for life to get out of balance if too much of our time is dedicated to one source of enjoyment. Until they are old enough to curb urges and delay gratification (jobs linked to the brain’s cortex), children need parents to act as their cortex.  Until children fully develop a cortex of their own they need limits set on their exposure to all things that might compete with living a happy and healthy life – they need some limits on gaming time.

In all of the years I have been in clinical and forensic practice with young people, I have never seen a young offender who has been convicted of a violent crime solely because they played too many computer or console games.  Child development is much more complex than that! However there is perhaps a more frequent  or common concerning trend and that is where gaming starts to interrupt a happy, healthy and social life for the individual or their family.

The children I have seen who have developed problematic gaming patterns have usually done so because there’s something else that’s not-quite-right in their life.  Sadly, sometimes there are a many very-not-right things.

Among families who have presented to me with a child (primary, secondary school or uni student age) with gaming issues, there are some common themes.  The children usually declare that they are not being heard or getting a say and sometimes there is a lack of respect or the recognition of needs between family members.

Similar to adults with internet and gaming issues, children can retreat to the gaming sphere to avoid unpleasant feelings or happenings in their lives.

Children retreating to games might be avoiding family conflict or other strong feelings like grief, loneliness, family separation or hurt from bullying, troubles with learning, or lacking a sense of achievement (at school or with friends).

Then, there are the children who just find it hard to comply with requests to turn the game off.  Children will always find it difficult to move from an activity they are enjoying to a less-preferred activity.  Playing a game is way more fun than cleaning your teeth and getting ready for bed.

Some children who are more oppositional will always find it tough and may need additional incentives to keep the household gaming rules and limits.

It is rare (in fact it has never happened in any of my clients) that a child complains about having too much time for gaming. I am loathe to suggest a set dosage rate for gaming time, but I’m happy to suggest it should be negotiated. When talking about limits to gaming, tell the child how their time on the computer affects you and other people.  Depending upon the age of your child, it’s important to assist them to understand their priorities (school work, music, chores, pets, siblings, friends, sleep) and help them to make a balanced decision about how much time would be a healthy amount of time and which days might be best.  Sometimes it can be handy to draw up a simple calendar and purchase a timer.  Younger children may need a timer set – with a five minute warning so they have time to save their advances.

Once you impose restrictions, don’t cave in or make threats – just follow through with regard to the times you have set. There will be most resistance at the start of the limits while they are being tested to see how wobbly they might be.  You will likely here how “unfair” it is, how they are the “only” child who has those limits in their class and how “bored” they will be.  Stick to your plan.  Indeed, think about having, at least, one day free of gaming each week or times where, maybe on holiday, there is a longer computer-game-free zone.

When you are limiting gaming time for your children, be sure you also limit it for the adults in the household as well.  Make sure that when you are with your child, that you are with your child and not just sitting next to them while you play or check messages on your phone or other portable device.

Be firm about computer and console game time and content limits, but be interested in the themes, characters and goals of their games.

Try to find out what it is they love about the game.

Many of the primary aged children I see would love for their parents to play on the games with them or at least to know some of the characters so that they understand why they are excited or disappointed after having played on a game for a time.  Also, if you know what games most interest a child, it becomes easier to suggest a real world equivalent way of pursuing this interest.

Encourage and help children to:
  • build up alternative recreation options
  • meet up with friends face to face
  • share meals – maybe even help to cook
  • get to bed at a good hour
  • take part in family life
  • explore art, books, music or even homework

Computer or console gaming is just one way of millions that everyone can enjoy their free time, but it is no fun when issues about accessing computer and console games become a battleground.  All children need limits and everyone needs balance. Keeping an eye out for things that might be making a child seek out more than usual game time, modelling negotiation and problem solving around accessing games provide the best chance for peaceful solutions.

Shona’s tips

Keep an eye out for the next Big Hug book, “The Internet is Like A Puddle”.  It will be available in Australia from early January 2015. Ask your favourite bookstore.

Parents and Carers  – While it is tempting to use computer games as baby sitters, it is really important that someone responsible looks over the child’s shoulder from time to time while they play.  Set up gaming devices in a more public area in your home.  This also lets you check whether your child is playing “on line”, with strangers or with people that you know.

Teachers – Keep an eye out if a child looks repeatedly sleepy in class or if the content of all of their writing and socialising seems game-themed.   Whilst gaming may often be one of the limited interest sets of a student who has an autism spectrum concerns, if you see a change in the child over time, be sure to feedback what you have noticed to the student’s parents or carers.  Encourage children to spend time in groups that do not necessarily share a gaming interest and encourage their development and involvement in non-gaming activities and themes.

Psychologists and Helpers – It is often the parents who will present a child with internet addiction issues.  It is rare for the young person to acknowledge any problems the first time they are dragged along for a treatment session. Keep an eye out for depression, impulsivity, sensation seeking, social anxiety and attention issues as well as getting a good sense of the family and friendship dynamics.  Kimberly Young and Cristiano Nabuco de Abreu have edited a fabulous book titled “Internet Addiction:  A Handbook Guide to Evaluation and Treatment”  (published by Wiley in 2011) and if you are regularly seeing children or adults with internet or gaming issues, this is a great resource.

Kids – While it is fun to spend lots of time playing games on the computer or console, when people tell you to stop playing, there usually have very good reasons.  Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like you are being listened to when someone tells you that you can’t have anymore of something that you love.  Stay cool.  See if you can make a deal with the adults and then be very careful to keep your side of the deal.  When kids get stuck or bogged on just one area of fun, it can start to take over their lives.  Make sure you exercise all of your “fun muscles”, not just the gaming ones.

Teenage Girls: Things you should “totally” know

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A biopsychosocial look at mental health during the adolescent years including: Brain development, Identity formation, Risk taking – substance use, self harm, Relationships, Socialising and social media, Counselling, parenting and support. A framework for understanding what might be going on for her.
Shona Innes, Senior Clinical & Forensic Psychologist 499 Hargreaves Street (Corner Myrtle & Hargreaves Sts) Daytime: Saturday 23rd August 11-12.30 or Evening: Wednesday 20th August 6.30-8. Cost: $45. Limited places available. Phone Irene or Alicia 5443 2284 or email admin@bendigopsychology.com.au to secure your place with a payment.

“Tell Me About Your Childhood”

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Why psychologists want to know and the implications for healthy child development

As the amazing human brain develops, it moves from a pretty primitive state of jumbled up nerve networks, through to a very complex series of coordinated networks over the years. The first networks that come on board start to link our senses to our brains – we can start to see and hear. As we age, our biology and our growing experiences connect pathways and we are able to do things that are more complex – so complex that some of our brains can even master algebra, fly fishing or a baking a sponge cake.

Our brains also start to become more efficient. We start to prune back the pathways we don’t need so that we can become more efficient at what we do. At about age 25, the pathways in our brain are covered in an insulating substance called myelin, which essentially stops messages leaking out on their journey along the pathways and we get even more efficient at the things we practice. Some things even become automatic.
So, as we journey through life, we are taking information into our brain and trying to work out where it should fit. In essence we make a set of rules, core beliefs or schemas upon which we build up our bank of ideas about how the world works and what is going to work best for us. The rules that govern our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are buried deep within our brain. Each of us has a unique bank of rules because we all started with varying biology and then from the very get go, we all began to experience the world differently.

The things we experience in childhood, and while our brain is still developing, may be pivotal to the ways we choose to cope when a problem comes along.

As we develop through life, we take in new information and either decide to keep the rules we have, alter them, or get rid of the rule completely. If I see a man and make a friendly comment to him one day and he turns away, the way I make sense of his behaviour is likely linked to what I have experienced before. If I have experienced a lot of rejection, then I may not think much of his reaction. If I have had lots of acceptance before, then I might find his reaction odd. If the man is wearing a hearing aide, I might decide that he may not have understood me and I might try again. The ways I interpret the other person’s reaction will depend on my past experiences of other people in similar situations. What I do, think and feel next will also be determined by how I have automatically interpreted his behaviour in my brain.

This is just one little scenario – imagine a lifetime of scenarios built up in our brains!

If we face a problem and we do, think or feel something that takes that problem away or makes it more bearable, then we will remember what works and keep it for next time. If a rule is never tested, then it’s likely that it never gets adjusted to fit our new circumstances. If I was frightened by a dog once and then avoid dogs for many, many years then it’s likely that my rule that “dogs are frightening” will stay because it has never been tested.

The other problem we might face is that we come across a situation where we have become quite set in our ways. Sometimes, we get a problem and none of our past rules seem to work, but we might still keep on using them anyway. It could be that we are lonely and we have a rule that tells us not to approach new friends because we worry that they will be mean to us. Making change takes effort and insight. If we keep doing something that doesn’t work, then there’s usually a reason behind that, too – it may not be obvious but it might be buried in our pile of rules way down deep.
So, when a psychologist wants to know a little bit about your past, the psychologist is looking for some of the most important events that occurred in your life as these are the ones that will likely have left you with your strongest core beliefs. If your core beliefs and the automatic thoughts they lead you to generate are working for you, then life should be sweet. Some of the rules we laid down very early in our childhood may not have been tested for some time. If you have some core beliefs that are built on some faulty or out-dated logic, then it might be time to run a system’s upgrade.

Problems can be great opportunities to consider our core rules, think about an update for our beliefs, readjust our networks, and learn.

As parents, carers, teachers and therapists, it’s important that when a child has problems, we encourage them to problem solve, to think about the advantages and disadvantages of what has worked or not worked before. Some children will do this automatically and some, for various reasons of biology and experience, may need more help. There are very few absolutes in life, so we need to be sure that we promote flexible thinking in children. What we model and say, the things we celebrate, and the kinds of achievements we praise can all assist a more flexible and adaptive system of responding to the inevitable ups and downs life brings us.

Shona’s tips

Parents and Carers – Listen to your own thoughts and see what beliefs you keep telling yourself. Be especially vigilant when you feel a strong emotion rise in your belly – this is usually a sure sign that a core belief has been activated deep inside your brain. Some of the core thoughts might relate to your parenting and why you come down so hard on your children for some things, but turn a blind eye to others. You might find this worksheet by CCI a handy reference for identifying and working on your more troublesome thoughts.

Teachers – Keep an ear out for the core beliefs that children may have with respect to their learning. You might hear them out loud when you suggest a new task or give them feedback on a test. Some students may be stuck in a faulty belief system that tells them that they are not a good learner – “I suck at maths” or “I’m no good at sport”. Encourage children to gently test their beliefs with safe and well-thought-through challenges to their automatic thinking.

Psychologists and Helpers – Some of you may have some core beliefs that stop you from being as helpful as you might be. If you think you have some thoughts interrupting your process of therapy with a client, be sure to speak about them the next time you have supervision or a peer consultation. You may need to work on a plan to make sure that any faulty thoughts that you have about yourself as a clinician or helper are highlighted for some gentle work.

Kids – When you get a strong feeling in your body, check in with what your brain is saying. You might want to write it down, draw it or share it with someone. Don’t worry if you can’t do it at first – it’s a little bit like trying to chase a butterfly. Sometimes thoughts just flit in and out really quickly, but the important ones tend to hang around for awhile.